I am hesitant to say this but… I do.

I am finally starting to want to re-connect with my spiritual side as part of my journey into  finding out what I want to be when I grow up. Yesterday I read an article about the creepy things that children say which took me back down memory lane to when I was a child and all the things I used to see.

I grew up in a very spiritual family and later find out that there were many mediums amongst them.  Talks of seeing a dead grandmother, brother or child was as normal at my family gatherings as how well someone was doing at school or who won the game on the weekend.

When I was a child I had many spooky experiences including:

• Having  dark figure walking around my bed on many nights
• Having something invisible sitting on my bed
• Seeing my grandfather long after he passed away
• Having de-javu style experiences of having been to places or events before and knowing exactly what was to come.  One time I even knew that my cousin’s grandma had a present for me that she had hidden under a napkin and what was inside it before we even got there.
• Having dreams that had significant meanings
• Seeing what I call a ‘death mask’ on people before they passed away only to find out that soon after they did.
• Getting an eerie feeling that I am not alone (still get that one)
• Having a need to call some of my nearest and dearest only to find out they were about to do the same to me (this one happens now)

So with this array of experiences you can probably understand why I was so scared about death and all things surrounding it.  I got so scared that long before my grandmother died I told her that she was not allowed to visit me in any form other than in my dreams – and she has on many important occasions.  When I met my husband I dreamt that she revealed to me that he was ‘the one’.  Our connection was so strong that I wore her wedding ring on the most important days of my life – my wedding and the birth of my children as my support and it is to her that I cry to when I am in trouble.  She has also given me signs when she is around – once I turned on my mobile to find a picture of her open when there were 100s of pictures of different people in that album.

Being so scared of it all I somehow managed to turn it all off (have no idea how),  walked away from the ghost talks and told any one who had just passed away to please don’t come and visit me.  I even make a point when we move to a new house of cleansing it and saying out loud that spirits are not welcome here.

Yes, I know, it all sounds weird and crazy – sorry if you are my friend and you are just finding this out now but its too late to run away.  lol.

So I thought it was all behind me until my kids started to show some signs of having these same experiences.  My eldest knew his grandfather (whom had passed away before he was born) at first sight of a photo – when he was only just starting to talk.  We had always intended for our children to refer to my husband’s father as ‘Pa’ but clearly at 10 months we had not brought it up or shown him any pics.  He was fascinated by photos always saying ‘who dat’ – his first words after mama and dada.  It was a game we played, he would point to a picture and say ‘who dat’ and we would tell him.  When we finally put a photo up of hubby’s dad he didn’t even say ‘who dat’ just ‘Pa!’.  He also saw him in his room a few times and even now feels his presence in his bedroom.   My second child has also seen people and has made some creepy comments that send shivers through my spine.

As scared as I am I sometimes find myself drawn to it.  I have Angel cards and Tarot cards that I use often.  I often ask my grandmother questions through them as I believe she is my guardian angel.  In the last two years I have gone to see two mediums – both have been scarily accurate about most things and both suggested that I need to look back into this side of me.  Both have also told me that I have two little boys around me all the time- no not my own boys.  And I know who they are too – both hold a special place in my heart and both died before their time.   They told me that my work needs to be in this field but around helping children.

So where to from here?  I don’t know – the thought of some spirit or ghost appearing to me would send me to a spycho ward I think – just out of being scared senseless .  But the whole thing does intrigue me and many, many times I do find myself being drawn to all things spiritual.

Ok,  freaked out now and I am all alone.  Eeek.